Dennis Tito "All Smug" About Being in Space

Smug Bastard, Dennis Tito

Reports indicate that millionaire Dennis Tito is quite proud of his "accomplishment" of being the first citizen in space. Apparently, Tito goes around "all smug," ranting about how he has been in space, and nobody else has.

A smug Tito was quoted, "Man, do I ever rule. God, I rule. I've been to space! Who's been to space? Oh yeah, only me." What a bastard.

Neighbor Jason Curry isn't as thrilled as Tito. "I don't see what the big freakin' deal is. If I had 20 mil lying around to shove up the Russian's asses, I could have gone to space too." Curry continued, "That cocky bastard thinks he's so great because he's been to space, and I haven't, well who the hell would want to go to space anyways? God, I hate that guy."

Other neighbors don't see what the big deal is either. Millionaire Rick Stengel was pretty angry with Tito as well. "He has disgraced the entire 'super rich' society. Now the public thinks that we [the super rich] can get anything we want, and all it takes is money. Let me tell you, that is not true."

Stengel promptly corrected himself, saying, "Oh wait a minute, yes it is, but he still is a disgrace, going around like he owns the place. Hey, that rhymed. Anyway, though, I could go to space too if I wanted to. I just don't feel like it, that's all."

Stengel went on, "I mean, who cares if he has been to space, I've been to Possum Kingdom, South Carolina. How many people can say the have been to South Carolina of all places. I rule! Screw you, Titso."

Apparently, Tito is obsessed with space. Said twenty-year-old fourth wife of Tito, Mercedes Tito, "Whenever I try to talk to him now about anything, he just goes in about space. When we were in bed, he used to say 'Who's your daddy,' but now he wants me to call him 'Space Lord Tito'. I think something has gone wrong in his head."

Tito Hater, John Glenn

Another now famous astronaut, John Glenn, was a bit perturbed by Tito's whole "space adventure." In a public statement, it was apparent that Glenn was angry with Tito. "Hey Tito, listen up! I don't want you going into space anymore. Why? Because it's all mine. My space. Not your space. If you want to go to space, find your own. You greedy bastard."

When we called Glenn up, and yes, we can do that, asking for an explanation for his hatred towards Titso--er, Tito--he had this to say: "That cocky bastard. He thinks he is so cool, just because he's been to space. Well guess what, Tito! So have I! Hah!"

Glenn continued his ranting: "You aren't so grand now, are you Tito? And you know what? I've been to space many more times than you have! So there. Ha!"

We then informed Glenn that he was not talking to Tito. Replied Glenn: "I'm no senile. I was the first American to orbit the earth. Is Tito the first American to orbit the earth? I don't think so. You can't give money to the commies to do that, can you? I don't think so!"

NASA, which has criticized the Tito space trip, elaborated on its position: "Why didn't we want to take Tito up? Well duh, that Glenn guy is annoying enough, going up to all the other astronauts saying, 'My space, not your space, mine!' And put up with that Tito guy too? Not till Glenn finally croakes."

Added NASA, "How old is that guy now? 103 or something? This isn't a retirement home for Christ's sake; one old fart is enough."

Of all the people who hate Dennis Tito, Dennis Tito is not one of them. "I rule, plain and simple. I've been to space. Have you? I thought not. So there it is in a nut shell, I rule, you drool."

As long as Tito is as smug as he currently is, and John Glenn lives, there will be trouble in Chinatown.

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