| UPDATED:
03/30/02 |
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| Real Stupidity 3: The Third Edition | |
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| These aren't real. Just kidding. Taken from The Tulsa World in Tulsa, Oklahoma. |
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| A musical tissue roller. There's nothing I want more than to go into a friend's home, ask to use their bathroom, go to use the toilet paper, and find, "Ah ha! A toilet-paper holder that makes music!" By that time, I'll be glad that I had just finished using the restroom, because I would be scared so much by a music-making accessory for a product designed to wipe fecal mater from my rear. Great conversation piece my ass. |
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| Do you have horrible bowel or "irregularity" problems? Don't go to the colon doctor- just take a "Colon Doctor" pill. "Easy-to-take" How can a capsule not be easy to take? Fast, effective, and a complete and utter placebo. | |
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| Vitamin B12-A-6C-95-48XXX542-píldora-estúpida, works fast. AKA Coffee. | |
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| "FOR GOOD HEALTH USE BEE POLLEN." OK. I think I'll digest this bee's sperm (pollen is the sperm of plants), and I will become a better person through this. Wait a minute, since when do bees make pollen? | |
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| I've looked at this for at least a minute, trying to figure out why the hell anyone would ever possibly want something like this. "To find your glasses in the dark, of course," you say. No, silly, this is what we call here at the Cynical Times stupid. It glows in the dark, too! | |
 Carl |
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| In the beginning, their was light, and God Sayeth to his Angel of the Highway, "Do not let people die on these Highway things that'll be around in about a billion years. Got that, Carl?" Thank you God, for Carl, the Angel of the Highway. | |
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| What? What's that you say? Nifty devices that probably really hurt your ears that are great for watching TV? I think the philosophy of this catalog is that if it has a big read TV icon, then you will buy it. | |
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| If you think you are going to get a good haircut with this thing, and don't care about the whole "appearance" motif, then this product is for you! Mistake proof - if you accidentally cut off some of your hair, you can grow it back, it's as easy as that. | |
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| America is just getting fatter, and fatter, and fatter, and fatter, and lazier, and fatter... and lazier, constantly. Does this thing even make logical sense? | |
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| File this under 'illegal.' Why pay for a cable box? Because it's not illegal. (Insert random cursings here) thing. | |
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| So this is what God used on me down-below. AHHAHAHH!!! (That was cheap, I know). | |
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| Surround
yourself with laughter when fish sings & moves at the same time.
Hey, buddy, they aren't laughing with you. "Surprise your
friends, neighbors, & coworkers." |
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| WARNING: DO NOT DRINK. This is the windshield saver? I thought that was windshield-saver-man Oh well... you'll have to do for now, Windshield Saver. | |
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NOW IT GETS GROSS, PROCEED AT OWN RISK. Oh, wait the images have already loaded by now, too late. |
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| Just
put this ring around the base of your penis, and the blood won't
flow out, big bang boom, a more powerful erection. |
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| Does your urethra drip? Just put this clamp on the head of your penis. YAY! HAPPY TIMES. |
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| 1st
of all, this is real. Real stupidity. |
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