Local Kid Believes He is 'Cool' Due to New Leather Jacket

Sexy Badass Tim Rankin

In a stunning move, dorky Junior Tim Rankin proclaimed his coolness Tuesday.

"I'm the coolest mother around" proclaimed an ecstatic Rankin.

Rankin, who was seen playing chess during lunch with fellow attendee of the Monteview High Academy for the Gifted, Zach "Two-Teeth" Blattler. Said Two-Teeth: "Tim, or 'The Timster' as we call him sometimes, looked really sharp in his new leather jacket."

Two-Teeth Blattler ponders his next move

Continued Blattler, "If only my mother had gone to Monteview High Academy for the Gifted, we wouldn't have to live in a trailer, and I could have a cool new leather jacket, like The Timster."

Rankin unveiled his new jacket shortly after coming back from Christmas Break, proclaiming: "I am the coolest mother around, look at my jacket, I look like a badass biker. No, not the gay kind. The badass kind, that rob children, and shit."

The immediate reaction of some of The Timster's peer group was not of overwhelming cool factor of the jacket, but how much it made Rankin look like "The Fonz." A group of Seniors were heard shouting "AAAAAYYYY!" from the overhead balcony.

Tim Rankin was hurt by this onslaught of ridicule due to his new jacket. "I don't give a flying darn what those big kids think 'bout my jacket. I think it makes me look like a badass pirate. I think I'll get 'The Timster' sewn into the back. Then they wouldn't make fun of me." Yeah right.

Responded balcony-shouter Samson Grimes, "Man, screw that little kid. After school is out, remind me to beat that cracker up and steal his jacket. It'll look good on my baby momma."

Continued Grimes, "Man, that nigga look just like what's his name, Gerardo, that dude who just wore the jacket, and sang like Rico Suave or some shit. Except he's white, and his name is Tim Rankin. Oh, and he doesn't have long hair, or good abs. But I gots the good abs. Just one more reason to beat that cracker up and steal his jacket."

Tim Rankin was later found severely beaten, shirtless, behind the school in an overturned trash can.

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