Anthrax 'Found' in Wal-Mart Cooking Aisle
WASHINGTON -- A DC-Area Wal-Mart was evacuated and searched Tuesday after local "worried trick granny who's all up in my buizness" (according to ast. mgr. LJ Whiteside) Donetta Morgan complained about a "white powder" in several boxes of an orange color with pictures of "muscle arms holding weapons" on them.
     Commented Old-Lady Morgan, "It just looked fishy to me, and well, Connie LeGrand of the WHNS FOX 21 10 O'clock News - You Hear it First, at 10. - said that we should be on the lookout for anything 'suspicious', so I was just doing my job as a concerned citizen!"
     "Whatever, that trick-ass old bitch cost me four thousand dollas in sales! She should be expecting something in her mail soon," an angry Wal-Mart ast. mgr. was quoted saying. After an exhausting 18-hour search of the entire store, including the plus-size lingerie department, sources say, no trace of anthrax was found.
     "I didn't know they made thongs this big," one FBI agent was heard saying. When questioned about Anthrax, he had this to say: "Oh, 'Anthrax' - yeah, all of these Grandmas calling baking goods Anthrax is starting to get on my nerves, you know. To sum it all up, Anthrax is just damn annoying!"
     The FBI encourages consumers to "not be stupid asses" and use caution with their mail, but not in buying baking ingredients.
     A similar incident occurred Monday, when a raid of a crack house left authorities dumbfounded when there was a "white powder" in various receptacles.